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I love my children. I love them in a way I never knew love existed. A mad, crazy, I’d-catch-a grenade-for-ya love. But love like that is exhausting. Motherhood is exhausting. Just because I love my children doesn’t mean I always have to like what needs to be done. You could find more mental stimulus working in the County mail room then in the day-to-day of a Stay-At-Home-Mom. And there are times and situations where I have to mentally check-out just to cope.

1. On weekends, at lunchtime:

One of the many jobs I held during my teenage years was waiting tables in a diner. I was an awful waitress. The soup was always brought to the table cold, I never got the salad dressings correct, entrées were often staggered throughout the meal, and split checks? Yikes. Now, motherhood has put me right back in the throes of the diner once again. Except now, I’m the chef, the waitress, the busboy, and the cleanup crew all balled up into one frazzled package. And I can’t even flirt with the cute dishwasher. Oh shit, I am the dishwasher. How could I forget about that? At least during the week I can make lunches while they sleep for the next day, not having to listen to them complain about how they have too much (or not enough) ice in their cup.

2. Before nap time:

Without Curious George the 4-year-old won’t nap, without Netflix there is no Curious George, without Comcast there is not Netflix. So, as you can imagine, there is often no nap. HE NEEDS A NAP.

3. When I’m trying to complete a project:

I’ve been trying to clean the garage fridge for 3 weeks. Whenever I get everything emptied out, something else needs my immediate attention. The 9-year-old needs a specific book off the top shelf, the 4-year-old wants my undivided attention to show me the cool trick he’s just realized he can do (this time it was farting on command) and the baby? Well he’s mobile now and attempting to climb the stairs every chance he gets, so… projects? Not so much.

4. When they have to complete a project:

The 4-year-old had to color a project from preschool at home. Normally, he loves to color but once I was involved it became the biggest case of oppositional defiant disorder I’d ever seen. I was eventually able to persuade him with the promise of chocolate and 25 rounds of Candy Land. I can’t wait until he’s in Middle School. {eye roll}

5. During homework time:

The 9-year-old is pretty good about getting his homework done. Unfortunately, that’s usually the exact time his younger brother decides to pelt him with Nerf bullets, or sing Frosty the Snowman at the top of his lungs. This place is a zoo, and not in a cute, Matt Damon, We Bought a Zoo, way.

6. The last days of winter/spring/summer break:

3 weeks off in a row has been mind numbing. Any parent who says different is a teacher.

7. When I’m on the phone:

If I ever want my kids to pay attention to me, all I need to do is make a phone call. Come to find out, all kids are like this, and since most of my friends are parents too, we end up in a 30 minute conversation where we haven’t been able to say anything to each other but can recall, precisely, the infractions of each others’ children.

8. When they are fighting:

This is ALL. THE. TIME. The sweetest brotherly moment can erupt into World War 3 out of no where. Once, I watched them fight over who was playing with the baby and how the other was stealing the baby’s attention. “There’s enough baby to go around,” was the incorrect way to settle this argument.

9. When I catch them in a lie:

As my oldest quickly becomes a tween I’m catching him in lots of fibs. It’s annoying, it’s depressing. Doesn’t he know he can tell me anything? I’m not always going to like the truth, but I’m always going to love him. Hopefully he learns that lesson. And quick.

10. When they’re not around:

I know it sounds completely silly, there are so many times I think, “I wish I had a minute to breathe/think/not have to talk/pee/not have to hold someone” but when my kids aren’t in this house I miss them like crazy, and I worry. Even when they are in situations with people I unequivocally trust. That’s the thing about being a mom, I have 3 little people who are carrying around a piece of my heart, and it’s only entirely complete when we all are together.

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8 Thoughts on “10 Times I Wish I Wasn’t a Mom

  1. Hillary Clark on January 3, 2015 at 6:21 pm said:

    The Witching Hour before bedtime. If I could hide on the roof every night from 7:30-8:30pm, I’d do it faster than you can say “Pass the Scotch.”

  2. One more day of winter break.
    I’ve had all six kids at home, but thanks to a much needed assist by my FIL I’ve managed.
    Now there’s one more day.

    I love your stuff. I read your posts and just nod my head. I think you know by now that you’re not alone.

    Thanks again for another wonderful entry, and have a wonderful evening ☺

  3. That hour right before my husband gets home from work, especially now that it’s pitch black, is the worst. Time seems to move ridiculously slowly! But I’m with you on #10 (and #3, I’m sure I’ll be with you on the others as Eve gets older/I have more children!), I feel like a piece of me is missing when she isn’t around.

  4. Yes, yes, and more yes!!! I actually started writing a similar post, but it was titled 10 Things I hate about being a mom. I decided that title was too strong. This however is just right!

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