So, your baby needs to socialize, or with more probability, you want to socialize, but have to bring your baby. Either way it should be a win-win.
Sometimes it is. Sometimes, you meet that one awesome-amazing-funktacular mom who actually breaks out of the Mom-zone and into the Friend-zone. Hells yeah! If Married at First Sight is possible, anything is possible.
But sometimes, it’s not cool, sometimes you dread it, and then you show up only because you paid for it. Or because the baby likes it… either way, if you’ve hit up one baby class, you’re bound to meet this cast of characters.
1. Mom Who Brings Her Nanny:
Sure, she’s got 5 kids, sure her husband is a big-shot-attorney, but only one of those kids isn’t school aged, (actually, he’s 3) and anyone with 5 kids can handle a 3-year-old by himself. Both Mom and Nanny look out-of-place, like they both know this scenario is just a buffer zone so Mom doesn’t have to converse with any of the other Moms. We might be beneath her, she might have some serious social anxiety, but this is a mom-friend “red flag”. Like a colorful snake in your garage. Thanks, but no thanks. I’m getting what you are putting out. Deadly bites and painful antivenom in the future.
Mom With The Mad Kid:
This Mom is a facade. She looks cool, she dresses cool, she seems nice, and that’s when little Christian walks up to your baby and bashes him in the head with a drum you just had in your hand. The Mom is cool, so cool, she won’t even discipline her little spawn of Satan. When her kid gets a grip (maybe in about 20 years) she’ll be play-date worthy. Until then, it’s cocktails only. Leave the beast behind.
Dad At Baby Class:
There are 3 different kinds of Dad you see at these classes; Those who are chill with chill wives, those who are chill with insane wives, and those who’d rather not be there at all. Stay away from the last two, you don’t need that extra drama and bullshit. Now if you love drama and bullshit, you’ve found your new buddies.
Mom Who Has Checked Out:
Checked out Mom is always staring out into space, but she’s physically there. She’d rather not be, but bless her heart she showed up anyway, for the kid. Everything is for the kids. She’s lost her perspective, but she might get it back if she’s able to take a shower for a nice brunch out. Checked out Mom has potential for the Friend-zone, especially if you like to do most the talking.
Mom Who Wants This To Be Babysitting:
This mom walks in the room and scans the parents/student/teacher ratio first thing. Then she spends the rest of the class talking about a meeting she’s missing and how she really thought childcare was available for the class. HELLO… it’s called “Mommy and Me” not “Mommy and paid Hourly Stranger”. Looking for a babysitter mom is a must pass… unless you fucking love watching other-peoples-kids for free… If you’re into that I’ll be you friend too.
Mom Who Registers, But Always Forgets To Attend:
OH SHIT, we had class today? Damn, gotta fly.