5 Telltale Signs That Sports Moms Are Crazy


“Aw crap, are we playing next? Pass the MInecraft.”

I’m a soccer mom. My sister-in-law? A football mom. My neighbor across the street is a lacrosse mom, and my son’s preschool teacher is a cheer mom.

You know what we all have in common? The tie that binds here is that all of us are bat-shit, screw-loose, certifiably crazy. WE ARE WACKO. We have lost our minds. You are probably reading this while sitting at a gymnastics class separated by a glass partition, watching your little lovely learn to somersault. You are wacko too. You don’t believe me? Here are five telltale signs that sports moms are crazy. Continue reading

The Road to Bridesmaidville is Paved with Seafoam Green


This is about right. I’m the beauty standing on the left as the shot falls to shit.

I’ve stood up in a handful of weddings in my day. Okay, more than a handful. I’ve also had the pleasure of walking down the aisle once myself. One wedding was enough planning, stress, lace and chair covers for my lifetime. Even if my beloved and cherished husband one day decides to leave me for a 24-year-old yoga instructor nicknamed “Tiff”, I will never marry again.

Unless it’s to Channing Tatum, because duh.

Since I’m almost 40 I assumed that this whole bridesmaid business was behind me. You know what they say about when you assume… Continue reading

My First Time


“Laughter is almost the best medicine, losing out by a close margin to alcohol.”


If you’re some perve who happened upon the post with a google search that reads “hot mom pops cherry,” I’m sorry to disappoint you. Unfortunately, I won’t be uncovering the way I was deflowered, today. I will, however, be screaming from the rooftops about the amazing time I had last night as I performed stand-up comedy for the first time. I’m not gonna lie, I was insanely nervous about my first time. 2 nights ago I had a dream I was doing my act to an almost empty theater. The only audience members were my own children, who continued to heckle me and demand I prepare them intricate snacks. It’s a wonder I even showed up, but I’m so glad I did. Last evening was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life.

As a SAHM, it’s very easy to get so wrapped up in the lives of your children, that you lose parts of yourself. I am the first to admit that I’ve let this happen over the years. I didn’t realize I had cut myself out of the equation for a long time, and that’s not really healthy. It’s totally my fault I haven’t made certain times just about me, and now that the kids are getting older, I’m starting to develop a personal identity again.

I don’t ever want to look back on my life and wonder, “What if?” What if I was more courageous? What if I was bold? What if I just tried? Continue reading

Lotus Birth, Because Just Having a Baby Isn’t Enough

Baby what

“You wanna leave what attached to what? Bad idea, Mom. Bad idea.”


When I first read this article I had no words. Like, I literally couldn’t form a complete thought. I shook my head and said, “Maybe I’m too tired to digest this fully,” and I went to bed.

My dreams were peppered with the shit horror movies are made of. But instead of being chased down by Freddie Kruger, it was a gigantic baby, running after me, pelting me with placenta pieces. Yeah, you read that right. PLACENTA. Continue reading

The Momfirmation



This parenting thing is hard business. We do, and we do, and we do… and then we do some more. Because we love our kids; we wanted them, we made them, we carried them. And then we had them.

Sometimes, being a mom feels shitty. I’m not gonna review all the reasons why, ’cause if you’re reading this, you already know.

I talked to a High School friend tonight. A fierce friend with a killer IQ and loyalty that can’t be replicated. And now she’s a mom. And some people have made her feel less, because of that fact… and that enraged me. My anger made me realize mom’s need some daily affirmations, we need to remind ourselves that we are awesome. We are kickass. We rule.

So, here they are… Momfirmations. Feel free to recite these every morning while you look in the mirror and brush your teeth, or breastfeed, or poop, whatevs. Continue reading