Okay, I have no idea who this guy is, but he’s is phenomenal. Way better than Thomas Edison. Photo Credit: Michael Stokes

So, my brand new refrigerator doesn’t produce enough ice. Like, at all. We live in Florida. We need cold drinks in the summer. Shit, I want cold drinks in the winter too, unless it’s a hot toddy, then that mofo has to be hot.

You know whatsup.

I called the place where we bought our fridge and they sent me off with a phone number for the manufacturer. Good times. So I embarked on an hour-long phone call that started out with, “Press 1 if you like green jello. Press 2 if you want your jello to speak to you in Farsi. Press 3 if you think Al Roker looked better when he was fat.” When I finally got on the horn with a human, the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi. My new refrigerator isn’t producing enough ice.
Him: Well, how much ice is not enough?
Me: There are only 4 ice users here. It’s not a frat house. At the end of the day, there is no more ice. We are turning to bagged ice and we have a brand new refrigerator. I’m not a refrigerator repairman, but this seems to be a flaw.

Him: Press and hold the Freezer Button until Turbo Cool comes on.
Me: *pressing and holding* Is Turbo Cool a little picture that looks like a 2 pronged power plug?
Him: No, *sounding annoyed* Turbo Cool is a snowflake surrounded by a octagon.
Me: Hmm. No, that’s not happening.
Him: *now really annoyed* If I can place you on a brief hold to get an image of your control panel.
Me: *Humming the Jeopardy theme song really loud for 10 minutes*

Him: Okay, I’m back. Are you sure you’re holding the Freezer Button.
Me: Yeah. It says Freezer, and I’m holding it.
Him: And what happens?
Me: I just told you, the little power plug comes on. Maybe Thomas Edison is waiting for me inside my freezer and he’s gonna help make ice. I’ll check.
Him: Ma’am? …  Ma’am?
Me: He’s not in there.
Him: *so fucking annoyed he wants to murder me* I know he’s not in there.
Me: I’m sure you hear that all the time.
Him: Um, no… I don’t. *now he’s pissed, and stern*

Him: You need to hold the Freezer Button down until the freezer goes up to coldest.
Me: Why didn’t you say that? If I want the freezer to go to coldest I have to pulse the freezer button, not hold it. Shit, did you just start working there?
Him: *seething mad*
Me: Okay, so I PULSED the Freezer Button, and OMG! Now I see it, it’s a beautiful snowflake, sleeping peacefully in its octagonal home. YAY! WE DID IT! Now what?
Him: You should have more ice in 10 hours. *click*

Customer service at it’s finest.

If you need me I’ll be over here watching the ice cubes form with Thomas Edison.


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16 Thoughts on “That Time Thomas Edison was in my Icebox

  1. That is the best customer service call ever. Tell Tommy I said hi!

  2. Do you have a Samsung? Our refrigerator is a Samsung (it came with the house) and it’s a pain. We’ve replaced the control panel on the ice maker (not cheap) and the freezer is not all that cold even on the coolest setting. I’m unimpressed.

  3. Oh, and that power cool snowflake thing you describe makes the whole thing go haywire and not in a good way.

  4. HAHAHAHA! That’s awesome.

  5. I laughed so hard I cried I think the other swim parents at pickup must have thought I was losing it! But customer service phone calls can drive you over the edge! Maybe if they were nicer and easier to deal with you wouldn’t be looking for Thomas Edison in the icebox!

  6. Hahahahaha! Sharing this!

  7. You’d think he would be more amused than annoyed! All you did was make his day more interesting. Customer service loves me when I’m playful like that. They hate me when I’m a bitch, but you were being funny.

  8. Sharilyn Larsen it’s not just us!!!! 115 here in the az and a 3 month old fridge completely shut down…..after 2 “fixes” to produce ice. Now no one is in sight to help. Weeks without a fridge with 3 kids. But we’ve received several calls “checking to see if we are satisfied with our purchase”.

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