This parenting thing is hard business. We do, and we do, and we do… and then we do some more. Because we love our kids; we wanted them, we made them, we carried them. And then we had them.

Sometimes, being a mom feels shitty. I’m not gonna review all the reasons why, ’cause if you’re reading this, you already know.

I talked to a High School friend tonight. A fierce friend with a killer IQ and loyalty that can’t be replicated. And now she’s a mom. And some people have made her feel less, because of that fact… and that enraged me. My anger made me realize mom’s need some daily affirmations, we need to remind ourselves that we are awesome. We are kickass. We rule.

So, here they are… Momfirmations. Feel free to recite these every morning while you look in the mirror and brush your teeth, or breastfeed, or poop, whatevs.

I’m a Badass Bitch:
I made a person. I MADE A FUCKING PERSON! Or I adopted a person, or I was a surrogate for a person, or a wet-nurse for a person, or I married someone with a person; either way, I’m a badass bitch.

I’m a Human, With Feelings: 
When you become a mom people forget you even exist and now it’s all about your kid. Ugh. Fuck those people. You are a human and you need to be loved, just like everybody else does. Yeah, that shit is true. Morrissey said so. And that’s some gospel right there.

When Strangers Give Me The Stink Eye:
Repeat this over and over again in your head, “You don’t know me. You don’t know me. You don’t know me.” And when they give you massive, extra stink eye because your kid is being a dick (because kids are often dicks) ask if they have candy or gum or a fifth of vodka in their pocket. If no? Screw them. If yes? Instant BFF.

When My Pre-Kid Friends Don’t Get It: 
They don’t get it because they suck. They don’t get it because you’re amazing and you juggle. You can do all the things with only 2 hands and they can’t do shit because they are too busy protesting Seaworld and shopping at Whole Foods. They are pissed about your gluten intake, they are jealous of your ovaries, they aren’t cool enough or fun enough to discuss where poops come from or how Barney became purple. THEY DON’T DESERVE TO KNOW YOU ANYMORE. You can move those people out of your circle of friends to the 6th circle of “I don’t know you anymore” and feel fine about it. More than fine. Beyond fine. You deserve better.

When I Think I Can’t Do it Anymore:
You can. You will. You’re the best at what you do. Your kids know how you roll and you’re amazing at your job. They love you, they need you, they wouldn’t understand the world without you. These kids are still alive because of you. You made them lunch, they ate it. No one has lice (yet) and you’ll be the one to comb that shit out when it happens. You are a gem. A treasure. You are the coveted prize in the Cracker Jack Box. You are one in a million.











One Thought on “The Momfirmation

  1. Wait…sometimes those judgey bitches have liquor? I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS ALL WRONG.

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